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Count Dante endorses Senator Chris Dodd for President .
The Count cites "powerful hair" as deciding factor.
Press Release
November 20, 2007

Due to the recent endorsements of Arkansas Republican Mike Huckabee by Ric Flair and Chuck Norris in next year's presidential race, I find that I, Count Dante, can no longer stand silent. I am deeply saddened that such great champions as Norris and Flair, champions who are both inspirations to the Count in everything he does, would put their considerable leverage (and technique) behind a GOP candidate when this awesome nation of ours so desperately needs a change in course.


Sorry Nature Boy, but you're wrong on this one! Whooo!
Yes Huckabee, a former Baptist minister, has been branded as a "liberal" or a "socialist" by the members of his party for merely admitting that poverty and healthcare may be problems in America today. His weight loss also sets a great example for so many Americans, but this doesn't hide the fact that Governor Huckabee is completely batshit crazy. The man actually suggested that we wouldn't need illegal farm workers if we didn't abort so many fetuses. He said that. I mean that's far from the most insane thing said in these GOP debates, but still. Way to go Mike! If we only had more unwanted people in this country, then we wouldn't need to get unwanted people from Mexico, El Salvador or China! Now that's what I call a solid plan for immigration reform!

It is The Count's hard fought and well-thought conclusion that we can no longer keep the Republican Party in power in this country. The tumbling of the dollar and the weakening of our military forces by the current republican administration have made it difficult for even SHAOLIN WARRIORS committed to FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY to GAIN THE MOUNT ON SUCCESS even when using COUNT DANTE'S WORLD'S DEADLIEST BUSINESS SECRETS!

It is with these thoughts in mind that I must now endorse SENATOR CHRIS DODD FOR PRESIDENT. I, Count Dante, have often proclaimed: "WHEN YOUR HAIR IS POWERFUL, YOU ARE POWERFUL!" Out of all of the candidates currently running, Dodd has the most powerful hair...


Even this bulky set of headphones cannot muss Dodd's nearly indestructible coiffure!

Yes, John Edwards is the candidate best known for his hair and The Count did consider the former Democratic VP candidate long and hard for this endorsement. Edwards is a good man who will tackle the inequities in our financial system that are currently preventing so many great fighting men and their families from attaining the dream of being MARTIAL ARTS MILLIONAIRES, but the former North Carolina Senator's hair just fell short of Dodd's.

I also considered Dennis Kucinich for a time. As he has said so many times, he is the only one who got all of these votes on war, the bankruptcy bill, the healthcare reform act, etc. right the first time. Kucinich, being the smaller man does use leverage and technique to gain the upper hand as opposed to brute force. Also Dennis' wife is DROP DEAD FINE and would make a first lady that we could all be proud of. But alas and alack for Congressman Kucinich, his hair is just not very powerful. His coiffure is flat and lifeless and doesn't frame his face very well.

This brings us back to Senator Dodd of Connecticut. Dodd's sterling defense of our constitution and his calls to decriminalize marijuana combined with his most powerful hair have won over my endorsement. Also Chris Dodd's dad prosecuted the Nazis at Nuremberg. Here's to hoping that a president Dodd can see his way to follow in his father's footsteps and prosecute the current administration for their gutting of the constitution and their knowing violations of the Geneva Convention.

I remain,

Count Dante