DANTE PICKS McGOWAN TO REPLACE MERCENARY
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In a bold move that heralds the beginning of a new era for The Black Dragon Fighting Society, Count Dante appointed the relatively unknown Matt McGowan to fill the scorching lead guitarist position previously held by "The Mercenary" Greg Franklin. The camouflage-clad Mercenary joined the BDFS in April, 2000 and quickly impacted the kung-fu rock and roll success seminar with his Marshall stack powered brand of freedom rock. After a string of successful West Coast tours, The Mercenary departed the group in Oct. 2000 leaving behind only a vague prepared statement. "The world is still not safe for
Americans," the statement read, "I must take my BC Rich Warlock,
plastic explosives, and some ammo and fight for freedom wherever
I am needed." The whereabouts of Mr. Franklin are still unknown
at this time.
Mr. McGowan previously held the axe master position for the glam rock outfit Foolz Gold. A hastily conceived press conference was held on Friday to introduce the new guitarist. "The lifestyle of excess that was led by the band (Foolz Gold) was going to kill me," he said as he addressed the members of the rock and wrestling press. "The fast cars, free Zima, and the crazy crazy nights in the Castro... it's a shallow life that consumes good time glam-rockers." Mr. McGowan's appointment is not without bitter controversy, however. He is the first member of the Black Dragon Fighting Society to weigh under 200 lbs. This move has angered many fat power groups who have not only considered Count Dante a friend of the movement but also a powerful advocate. "The appointment of Matt McGowan is a great moment for civil rights in America," Mr. Dante said in response to some harsh criticism. "When I was a child growing up in Skornheim, it would have been impossible to see a thin man on the same stage cranking out rock and roll with Fat Americans. Matt McGowan is a credit to his race - the human race." |
